


Mama, We All Go To Hell

by magnoliamarch



Category: Beetlejuice (1988)
Genre: Eventual Sexual Content, F/M, I’m not sure what I’m Doing, Rating May Change, Sequel, maybe???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24068200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnoliamarch/pseuds/magnoliamarch
Summary: “So if you’re free,” Lydia began, “Why are you here and not on some beach somewhere?”Betelgeuse stared at her for a moment before speaking. “Well, there are these limitations,”Or, in which Lydia Deetz goes from being  a strange and unusual teen to a strange and unusual housewife.
Relationships: Beetlejuice/Lydia Deetz
Comments: 16
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

Lydia looked on in horror, mouth wide open in a silent scream, though she remained unable to speak no matter how badly she wanted to. An indignant frown crossed her face as Betelgeuse stole her voice to half-ass some declaration of love. The wedding ceremony had nearly reached its conclusion, and it seemed every attempt at thwarting Betelgeuse’s plans was promptly quashed. The longer it went on, the more Lydia worried. What would happen to her after this? Her family? Her life as she knew it? It seemed like she was about to find out

There was no one coming to save her, seeing as Barbara and Adam were MIA. Charles and Delia sure as hell wouldn’t even do so much as lift a finger, neglectful and terrified as they were. She was just about ready to acquiesce to her fate as Satan’s Bride. It didn’t seem like there were any other options. That is, until Deus Ex Machina Sandworm arrived in the form of Barbara Maitland in a wedding dress, struggling to control the beast from Saturn. Betelgeuse didn’t stand a chance, and he was snatched up in the sandworm’s maw as it crashed through the fragile floor boards. Over all of the commotion, no one heard the strange alien-like priest utter the two words that would change Lydia Deetz’s life forever.

“I now pronounce you husband...and wife.”

* * *

Lydia bolted upright in bed, sweat plastering her bangs to her forehead, chest heaving rapidly as she attempted to calm herself down. It had been eight days since the most traumatic event of her life had happened, and since then, she’d been plagued with awful nightmares and sleepless nights. Being awake wasn’t much better. Lydia was physically incapable of thinking about anything else. She wasn’t afraid, she didn’t fear much. But the not-knowing was so much worse.There wasn’t a single waking moment where she wasn’t pondering whether or not the dead could die. Whether or not he would return to finish what he started. Did it hurt? Could he even feel pain? Every time she closed her eyes, images of sandworms and red wedding gowns consumed her thoughts.

Cracking an eye open lazily, she rolled over slightly in order to check the time. It was only 6:07 AM. Sighing deeply, the goth girl attempted to settle back into bed, but she could hardly relax, knowing what was waiting for her in the realm of dreams. Nightmares aside, there was no way she could rest over Adam and Barbara talking so loudly—Wait, talking? Even though the Maitlands didn’t need to sleep, this was odd behavior for them, since they were normally courteous enough to be quiet at night while the Deetzes slept. This piqued her curiosity. Lydia awkwardly stumbled to her feet to press her ear against her bedroom door, limbs still heavy from sleep. She could only catch bits and pieces of the seemingly urgent conversation between the Maitlands.

“And you can’t just put him back?” This was Barbara’s voice, she could tell that much.

Someone else spoke, but she was unable to tell who it was, or what they had said.

Lydia listened more intently now, her mild curiosity turning itself into genuine interest.

“Is that really necessary, anyways? I mean, he was eaten by a giant snake!” Adam was speaking now.

“Sandworm. And apparently, he wasn’t. Otherwise he’d be in the waiting room and I wouldn’t be here.” Another voice, one Lydia didn’t recognize. Who could possibly be in the house at this ungodly hour?

“Well, that would mean the wedding went through, wouldn’t it?” Adam asked worriedly.

“That’s actually why I’m here,” The stranger said with an unreadable tone.

She attempted to listen further, to perhaps receive some clarification on the situation, but the rest of the conversation became hushed, and so her eavesdropping session came to a close. What little she had heard of the conversation formed a knot in her stomach as her mind twisted up with anxiety. She didn’t have to do all that much detective work to figure out who the “he” they were so worried about was supposed to be. All the things Lydia had told herself for the past week or so to keep herself sane were now meaningless. If he wasn’t put back, and she suspected he couldn’t be, and no one knew where he was, that meant he could come for well-deserved revenge. In retrospect, he hadn’t done anything wrong. Betelgeuse had saved the Maitlands, just as he said he would, and in return, he became sandworm chow. Who was the real monster here?

Lydia cringed. She wasn’t looking forward to his return, if such a thing was even possible. Her worry wasn’t born out of a sense of self-preservation, but rather out of guilt. She was the one who hadn’t kept her word.

As she turned around to go waste some more time lying in bed, she bumped into her vanity, her hairbrush hitting the floor with a noise that had no business being as loud as it was.The loud bang had of course, brought her adoptive mother over to check on her.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Barbara asked gently, inspecting the girl for any injuries

Lydia couldn’t quite look the ghost in the eyes.  
“I’m fine,” She said.

“Why were you up at this hour, anyways? It’s summer vacation?” The ghost eyed her suspiciously.

“So you weren’t planning on telling me that he could come back,” She asked, completely dodging Barbara’s question.

“Lydia, you weren’t supposed to hear that,” She  
responded. It was now her turn to deflect the question she was asked.

“Hear what? Who was that person you were talking to?” She questioned. Lydia didn’t like the fact that the Maitlands were obviously trying to hide something from her.

“You should try to get back to sleep.” The dead woman replied vaguely, once again conveniently avoiding the truth.

“Good night, Barbara,” Lydia managed to choke out, more than a bit miffed at Barbara’s refusal to answer any of her inquiries. She had a right to know about what may or may not happen to her.

Once the ghost left the room, closing the door gently, the teenage girl slipped back into bed, fighting sleep as long as she could. Tiredness was bad, but the nightmares were far worse.  
She stayed awake, staring at the ceiling mindlessly for a few minutes, before deciding that she might as well just get out of bed, seeing as she wasn’t about to try going back to sleep anytime soon. Lydia clumsily rose to her feet, then walked over to her bathroom to brush her teeth and start on her day. When she glanced in the mirror for a split second, expecting to see pale skin and heavy dark circles, she instead was met with a sight that made her blood run cold.

“Hey babes,” Betelgeuse began nonchalantly, as if their relationship was a civil, healthy one. “Did ya miss me?”


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s you,” Lydia whispered, slowly inching away from the mirror as Betelgeuse slipped out of the glass, quite obviously making an attempt to approach her.

“Expectin’ somebody else, doll face?” He replied, one eyebrow raised. At this point, he was completely out of the mirror and was now facing his wife.

Lydia craned her neck to glance up at him, feeling awfully short in comparison. “How are you here?” She asked, no malice or bite in her tone, just genuine curiosity.

“Juuuust wanted to check on my wifey,” The moldy poltergeist said, his tone dubious.

She frowned, confused, while simultaneously cringing at the nickname. “But weren’t you eaten by a snake-thingy?”

“Sandworm, Darlin’. And you’d be surprised at how quickly you can pass through one of those things.”

“So if you’re free,” Lydia began, ignoring his vaguely patronizing response, “Why are you here and not on some beach somewhere?”

Betelgeuse stared at her for a moment before speaking. “Well, ya see, there are these... limitations,” Yeah. Limitations. That was the explanation he had settled on.

She looked at him expectantly. “Such as?”

Just as he opened his mouth again,— to provide her with more of his “wisdom”, no doubt, he was interrupted by none other than Delia Deetz.

“Lydia!” The aforementioned teenager cringed at the sound of her name being called from downstairs. “...Someone’s downstairs. They want to speak with you.” The redhead was quite obviously displeased, if the sound of her shrill voice was any indication.

The younger girl finally broke eye contact with the poltergeist in order to head downstairs, but not before giving him a harsh glare, as if to tell him to stay put. 

Once she finally made it into the living room, she   
halted. In a chair across from where she stood, a sharply dressed old woman sat. Lydia’s eyes were instantly drawn to the large gash at the woman’s throat. She was dead. 

“Lydia,” Adam spoke up from the couch, “This is our caseworker, Juno. She’s going to explain everything about your situation,” 

The elderly ghost lit up a cigarette before beginning her explanation. “Congratulations, young lady. Despite what happened to Betelgeuse, the marriage was in fact, valid.”

Lydia narrowed her eyes, apprehensive to learn just what marriage entailed. Her eyes widened once again when she realized it was Juno’s voice she was hearing earlier in the morning.

Adam and Barbara both jumped at the sound of the polergeist’s name, fearing that it may summon him. 

“This of course, means that the curse on his name is broken, among other things.” 

Broken. So he was free now. In the end Betelgeuse had gotten what he wanted. Maybe he’d finally leave her alone.

“He’s here, you know,” The teenager said offhandedly, resigned to her fate. The Maitlands cringed for the second time that morning.

“Ah, yes. That’s the second part of it,” Juno replied, taking another drag of her cigarette, the smoke drifting out of her neck as she exhaled. “Your husband has to be within a mile radius of you or else there are...repercussions.”

And just as quickly as Lydia’s fantasies of a normal, husband-free life were formed, they shattered. 

“So, is a divorce possible?” Lydia asked quietly. She knew what Juno was going to say before the words even left her wrinkled lips.

“No,” The old woman replied plainly, confirming the young girl’s prediction. “You two are, more or less bound together for eternity.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry about the wait and the short chapter! I’m an essential worker, so updates will be a bit slow!

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i’ve ever written! please be nice!


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